During my lunch break I usually check-out the latest on Facebook and Yahoo news.  A few days before Easter I came across a Facebook post from one of my college buddies.  His post mentioned a blog from a Christian website (http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/parenting-means-wrestling-demons).  Parenting articles always draw my attention, so I followed the link.

This article spoke to parenting in a way that I hadn’t ever considered.  In a nut-shell, the article said that parenting is really tough because of the struggle between good and evil (God and the devil) – ugh, whoa!  Despite my extensive exposure to sermons about the devil and hell, I must admit that I don’t think a lot about demons.  Well, unless we are watching a scary movie or it’s Halloween.  It just freaks me out to think about demons in a deeply theological way.  I choose to focus on God and Jesus rather than fear.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that those things are gravely serious but it’s not a major focus of my religious understanding.

Cute “little devil”

After being a little shaken and stirred by the good vs. evil stuff, the article continued on into the realm of a Huffington Post blog, yet with Christian overtones. The over-riding theme was about the idolization of children.  The author seemed to think that the average parent in America “idolizes” his/her children.  The definition of idol being anything that takes God out of the center of your life. Initially I thought that this wasn’t me, because the trials of motherhood have humbled me in ways I never imagined.   So, motherhood has brought me closer to God.  As an adult, I had gotten out of the habit of getting to church in time for Sunday school, but I even go to Sunday school now that I have kids!  (For the non-Baptists, adults and children have Sunday school classes before church services.  Getting to an 11:00 am church service is much easier than getting there at 9:50am.)

As the article continued, it pointed out the various was we idolize our kids.  This is where my heart grew a little heavy.  Geez – my Facebook feed and this entire blog is one kiddo brag-fest after another.  Sometimes it is even a bit much for me!

There were a few stand-outs from the article that really drew my attention.

1. For starters, kids don’t “work” today.  Back in the day – meaning my parent’s and grandparent’s day – children didn’t just do chores to earn an allowance or get a sticker on a “chore chart”.  Kids cooked, cleaned, took care of siblings, worked in the garden/on the farm, etc.  As my dad says, “if you didn’t work, you didn’t eat!”.

I reflected on this a lot and concluded that there are multiple reasons for this big discrepancy between previous generations and the current.   Bryan and I “work”, but do our kids even get the concept of what work entails?  They don’t see us “working” unless it is scrambling for dinner or doing simple household chores.  When I was a kid, I helped with basic household stuff,  babysat my siblings when my parents worked in the garden, and even grew my own 4-H garden for a few summers; however, those efforts weren’t sacrificial.  Bryan grew up on a farm and says that he “worked”, but I am certain that it wasn’t with the same necessity of his father or grandfather.  In short, compared to our parents, Bryan and I were a little spoiled.

So now, we give our kids the fastest and most convenient meals possible and spend the remainder of our time with them trying to complete unfinished homework or having “quality family time” together.  AHA! There was the problem!   Mine and Bryan’s “work” was actually making us lazy at home.  Our kids are growing up in a household where Mom and Dad = fun and relaxation.  To remedy this, I decided to start telling Rachel small details about mine and Bryan’s jobs and how much we sacrifice for the sake of our kids.  I was amazed by Rachel’s interest in our day jobs.  She proceeded to tell me that school was her “job”.  I guess that is a fair comparison for a kid.

2. The second major take-home: Back in the day, children’s activities didn’t short change the greater good of the family.

I seriously doubt, actually I am positive, that my grandparents didn’t bend over backwards to make sure that my parents were the next superstars of their generation.  Example – my dad’s parents didn’t fret about how he did in football practice or if he was getting his fair share of playing time come Friday night.  Many of  Dad’s childhood stories go something like this – “I had to plow the field because Daddy had been hurt in the mines.  If I didn’t do it right, there was trouble.”  This gets back to the theme of #1 – you don’t work, you don’t eat.  The family garden certainly got billing over Dad’s glory on the football field.  As for Mom, her Dad had the family vehicle in the evenings and then later she worked after school, so there went her ability to be a majorette in the high school band.

Even though I thought things were tough, my parents always allowed me and my siblings to participate in as many extracurricular activities as we desired.  Fast-forward 20-something years, and Bryan and I are constantly scrambling to make sure Rachel goes from school to practice to doing homework (sometimes in the car) to practicing violin.  WHY????  I have asked myself over and over and over if we are doing the right thing with all of these extra activities.  It always comes down to “well, she likes ‘such and such activity’ and has some talent, so we should support that.

But after reading the article, I re-evaluated my deeper motives. Do I rely on my daughters’ achievement for personal satisfaction? Honestly????   Well, honestly, NO, BUT there is not much that compares to watching my kid do something well and the pride that comes with that.  Phew, cleared that big mistake.  On the flip side, I push Rachel to be her best, and sometimes I have to remind myself that she is not a “mini-Ruth”.  The only way that she will learn self-motivation and determination is to succeed and fail on her own – yikes!  I can’t be the coach, teacher, or whatever.  I can just be there to support her in whatever happens.  This is so tough, and I don’t do this well.

3.  We shouldn’t be surprised when our kids disobey or do wrong.  We should be surprised and overjoyed when they obey.  

YES!!!  Bryan and I definitely are all the way there on this nugget of wisdom!  Now, the article got back into the struggle about good vs. evil to explain this one.  It doesn’t matter what the reason, “to err is human”.

So what is the solution(s) to our near disastrous parenting?   (1) We should pray that our children will grow in God’s love and be who He intended them to be.  (2)  Hope that all of these ego-boosting activities don’t erode their sense of family and what it takes to live as a community.  (3)  Hope that one of those extracurricular activities helps to pay for college (and maybe keep them too busy to get into trouble) – I am a little serious about that one…