Sarah Amelia wasn’t too happy about Miriam coming home with us!

Miriam and I have been home from the hospital for one week!  Things are going well, except for the constant screaming from Sarah Amelia….  I haven’t said a lot on social media during this last (at least that is the plan) pregnancy.  Heck, I was  five months pregnant before telling family and almost six months before breaking the news at work.  I don’t know why, I just wanted to keep it to myself and was too busy with other stuff to add “guess what?  I am pregnant!”

Around the eight-month mark of pregnancy, we found out that Miriam was in the breech position so a c-section might be in my future.  This news went down like a ton of lead.  Actually, like a nuclear bomb had exploded in my head.  I couldn’t believe it – two “natural/non-medicated” labor and deliveries and now this, a c-section???  What the …..

There is some irony in this story.  Irony #1.  When I was newly pregnant with Miriam, I had a dream that my doctor was hovering over me with a scalpel and said, “sorry Ruth, I have to do this”.  I woke up before knowing the ending to the dream, but it left me with a feeling of unease/dread.  Irony #2.  As much torture as “natural child birth” is, it really seemed like the only way to go.  Just the mention of a c-section made me cringe with fear.  Needles, sedation, and “major surgery” just seemed like the most horrifying way to bring a baby into the world.

So, I did what most expectant mothers do when looking for more information.  I Googled “turning breech baby” – big, big, big mistake.  There were lots of videos of various yoga poses that warned to only do if your doctor approves, because the umbilical cord could become tangled around the baby’s neck.  The most entertaining advice was to place something cold on top of your belly at the point where the baby’s head was, and the baby would turn away from the cold.  In a similar vein, another blog suggested playing music at the bottom of your belly so the baby would turn toward the music (what if the baby didn’t like  your song selection?).  Again, there was a warning about the umbilical cord, and I just didn’t think it was worth that kind of trouble.  Convinced that Google had something to offer, I continued in my quest to find an answer.  I became very depressed as more and more of the articles took an increasingly negative vibe with comments like: “c-sections are bad and you should only have one in an extreme emergency”, “breech deliveries are fine, especially if the delivery is not your first”, and my favorite “if your baby is breech, your pelvis is too tight and you need to be less negative so your pelvis relaxes”.  There were also videos of “beautiful breech deliveries”.  I didn’t watch – eek!

It seemed that the only realistic thing to do was trust my doctor’s advice.  I figured his training was better than what the internet had to offer.  The doctor offered to “turn” the baby and seemed confident that it wasn’t dangerous.  I was willing to try, but had a feeling that it wasn’t going to work.  The entire morning of the procedure, I was in a horrifyingly bad mood.  Every person that walked into my room was asked “when is my doctor getting here!”.  Goodness sakes I was a pill and completely stressed out!  One of the last people to chat with me before the doctor came was a male anesthesiology nurse that looked like an actor from “Grey’s Anatomy” (not kidding).   I asked him “where’s MY doctor!  He was extremely polite, and despite our conversation about anesthesiology given in the case of an emergency c-section (should the “version” result in distress to the baby), I felt ok.  The version procedure was tolerable but wasn’t fun, and the baby remained breech.  The doctor asked who Miriam got her stubbornness from!

The possibility of this “major surgery” was becoming more likely with each passing day, and I started to worry that I would go into labor with a breech baby and that would be a problem.  I could not stand the thought of it all and didn’t want to talk about it.   I did have to tell my co-workers and boss.  Either Miriam would be in the correct launching position, or I was going to have a c-section.  Most of the responses were, “oh Ruth, I am so sorry!”  That wasn’t what I needed to hear, but I am sure that I had said the same thing to women that were either facing a c-section or had previously had one.  Karma is a drag.  Bryan and I were vague with family, because I just didn’t want to talk about it.  I am not sure why I had so much dread and feelings of disappointment.  After all, natural childbirth is no walk in the park, and the aftermath can be extremely unpleasant.  Still, how on Earth was Sarah Amelia going to feel when I couldn’t lift her or do many basic things with her after my surgery?  Just the thoughts of not being able to do so many things with her was unimaginable!  And poor Bryan, he would be getting all of the heavy lifting duty while all I could do was watch!  It seemed like purgatory awaited us all…..

During my pre-op visit, I still held the hope that one day this would make for one hilarious story!  Like, “gee Miri you drove poor Mom crazy with worry about a c-section and decided to cooperate at the last minute”!  I kept badgering the nurses with questions about the dreaded blue curtain that would likely be in my face and blocking my view of the birth.  I am weird about stuff like that…  The nurse explained about the “major surgery” that I was signed up for (I GET IT – I am not an idiot) and then she said “don’t worry, we will take good care of you”.  For most people, this would be reassuring, but not for me.  This statement solidified that I was totally powerless in the outcome, the very sterile and unemotional and surgical outcome.  I went on a crying jag once I was alone.

The night before the surgery, I finished making the girls t-shirts (big sis, lil-big sis, and lil-sis shirts) and trying to stay calm.  I

Rachel helped glue on rhinestones 🙂

meditated, talked to God, and came to peace with it all.  I thought about my Grandma Wooton who had 11 kids (YES 11 KIDS!) at home – most of them were birthed by a midwife, which was a  big improvement from the local non-trained women that were usually the medical providers for women in labor.  I imagined having a conversation with her about my feelings, and came to the conclusion that she would smile and say “Ruth don’t worry, it’s alright and it doesn’t matter how your baby is born.  Listen to your doctor.  You are so lucky to be where you are and have access to great medical care!  Your baby is healthy and you are healthy.  Don’t worry.”  Then I imagined her insisting that I stay and have supper.

That was that.  I followed the instructions for prepping for surgery with humor, made a “Miriam playlist” and hoped it would be ok for the operating room (I didn’t want to aggravate the medical team with unpleasing music), and left Rachel and Sarah with their beloved babysitter.  Bryan was happy and nervous.  I tried to keep the focus on the certainty that everything would go well and in just a few hours I would have my sweet little Miriam in the world.

Everything went well, splendidly well.  I talked non-stop to anyone that would enter the room – even more than my usual baseline chatty!  Just prior to surgery, my doctor reminded me that “we were on a schedule”, so I would stop talking and drink an antacid slurry!  (Really though, I doubt any disruption in schedule was truly due to my chattiness.)

Back to “irony #2” – the spinal/epidural was not that bad, and as luck would have it, the anesthesiology nurse (think Dr. McDreamy) that advised me before the “version” procedure was taking care of me during the c-section! It was all fine and the moment of Miriam’s birth was glorious!  I could feel when the doctor and his assistant had gotten Miriam out and that was followed by “oh, what a cutie!  Pretty and round and looks just like her dad!”.  The nurse lowered the drape and the doctor lifted her up and she was simply beautiful!  The easiest childbirth and a sweet and lovely (and very loud) baby girl! “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys was playing in the background (yes, my playlist was awesome).  If the doctor had gotten her out sooner, it would have been an ABBA song and a few minutes later, it would have been a Beatles song. Fortunately, everything was very routine and the baby was fine, so she was placed on my chest after the nurses checked her.  It wasn’t the granola-type of experience that I had with the first two babies, but we were still blissfully happy!  I think the morphine (and who knows what else they gave me) helped a little with the “bliss” part, but it was joyful nonetheless!  I even joked with my doctor and the OR team about the differences between mine and Bryan’s choices for the playlist!

There is a big smile under that mask!

Me and sweet baby Miriam!

Bryan and I decided to go all out with the last baby and get an up-graded room.  I should add, that Sarah Amelia and Miriam were born in a hospital that looks more like a hotel.  Anyway, it was really nice – it had an anteroom with extra amenities and beautiful flowers.  We thought the girls could sleep in this room but decided that Sarah Amelia was too out of sorts (that is putting it mildly) to stay overnight.  Still, it was nice.  The hospital offered an in-room massage (for an extra fee and required your doctor’s clearance)!

So – all of that grief for nothing, really.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not enjoying the post c-section restrictions/pain, and Sarah Amelia doesn’t understand “mommy has a  boo-boo, be careful!  But, overall, it hasn’t been too overwhelming.  I do wish that I had chosen to put the baby in the nursery during the hospital stay, because these days parents are expected to do most of the baby care during the hospital stay, which is REALLY difficult when you are so doped up that you can barely hold your baby or get out of bed.  But – the in-room massage that the hospital offered was a real plus 🙂