A few weeks ago, the choir sang one of my favorite hymns, “It is Well With My Soul”.  Yes it is possible that my musical interests extend past the pop-music of the 60’s/70’s.  This hymn has become a source of comfort in some unlikely ways.

I will back up a few steps and apologize, because this entry ventures a little out of the “husband and kids” theme and is sort of self-centered.  It is also a little personal and a bit heavy ….

Ok, back to the hymn.  My first concrete memory of this song dates back to my high school years.  My mom was sitting next to me at church during my sister’s baptism, and I noticed her looking through the hymnal during the church announcements or something like that.  I noticed her reading the lyrics to “It is Well With My Soul”.  I thought that was odd.  She later explained that she heard the story behind the song on Paul Harvery’s “The Rest of the Story” radio program.  Apparently, the author of the lyrics had been through a lot of tragedy, which inspired him to put his feelings/reflections to music.  The line “when sorrow like sea billows roll” is thought to be a direct reference to the death of his daughters in a tragic accident at sea.

Growing up in the Baptist tradition, I have heard this song many times and was reminded of the story. Within the past few years the song began to resonate with me in a new way.  It happened in a most unexpected way. We had moved to Houston and Rachel was struggling, so Bryan and I were struggling.  She had been through surgery for kidney reflux disease just prior to moving down here and when we moved her hyperactivity (which seemed like typical behavior for a curious and bright 3 year old) just exploded.  In summary, her first daycare experience in Houston was a disaster, and that is putting it gently.  All of the other kids in our neighborhood were perfect, and Rachel was wild.  Doctors started giving their opinions regarding her behavior.  It was devastating…

One day, I was in Hobby Lobby shopping for random stuff, and I noticed songs that seemed so familiar.  They were instrumental renditions of many standard hymns.  At the time, I thought it must be some sort of “Texas thing” to play religious music in stores, because I didn’t know the backstory of the owner of Hobby Lobby.  Anyway, it was very nice to hear those songs.  Then, I started to feel sad.  I started to miss Kentucky, our friends, our family, and the church that had promised “to take good care of Rachel” at her baby dedication.  I felt totally alone.  Well, I had a cart full of picture frames and other junk to fill the void, but you get the idea…  But, like getting an unexpected phone call from an old friend, I heard the opening to “It is Well”.  I thought about Mom (and almost started crying), and then I felt totally and completely sorry for myself.  In my pity fest, I remembered the story behind the lyrics and then actually gave my complete thought to the song.  My pity turned to guilt, because I knew that there was so many good (actually great) things that accompanied all of my sadness.  I always loved good ole hymns, but this experience was transformative.

Several months after the Hobby Lobby sob-fest, I was once again dealing with extreme sadness.  Again, Rachel was so hyper that everday was another series of unwanted drama.  She was about 3 and 1/2 and she was going to occupational therapy (which was totally useless – I am sure it helps many kids/people, but it didn’t help Rachel).  I had also started taking her to gymnastics as an outlet for her hyperactivity.  For whatever reason, I was up late and was so overwhelmed with anxiety about Rachel’s issues that I could not sleep.  I cried, watched tv, ate some cookies, cried some more, watched tv, ate some potato chips, then aimlessly changed the tv channels.  I happened upon  a Christian tv network, and I watched as soothing pictures from nature went across the screen and instrumental hymns played.  It seemed worth a few minutes.  I watched and honestly felt very bitter and angry.  How could I possibly have peace in my heart when no one else could see how terrific my kid was or how hard we were trying to fit in?  In the midst of my pity, once again, you guessed it – “It is Well” started playing.  I thought either this is a bad omen, OR maybe I should just let go and find peace.  Maybe it was time to let go and realize that I could be well if I gave my troubles to God and stopped carrying the burden on my own. I still find peace when I think of this hymn.  A few Sunday’s ago, I was reminded of the peace and blessings that such lovely music can bring.  Someday, I hope that Rachel and Sarah Amelia will understand the life sustaining power of those blessings.